This is a very difficult letter to write
Because you’ve been so rather loyal for years, day and night And I know you would prefer I shyly mutter or ramble, But tonight I must directly address you and hence this letter.
It’s become very clear to me You wish me to stay dependent on a belief of external authority and doubt myself and wonder if I’m wrong, and let’s not forget apologize… repeatedly.
You seem so very able to show up just after I stand. And attempt to brave more footsteps in the courageous ways I can.
You seem so very tolerant of small utterances
and whispers You are always right there to keep me smiling (with those who seem intimidating) and in conversation stay on the surface.
You want me to dote on you and tend to your every need But year after year your needs are suffocating to me. Why?
Because nothing I give you is enough.
I give you a bit of my thought space and you wish to come in and slither your way into every corner I have left.
It just wasn’t good enough for you when I was small To insist I stop climbing trees once and for all. As I kept climbing even falling out of them
with bloody noses or two You insisted I stop trying to confront the bullies at school who called me nerd and yet when I did that wasn’t good enough for you.
Highschool years and college years passed and no matter how much I tried you wanted to insist I couldn’t dance.
Yet I made the drill team and then proved the ability to long distance run
And so when you couldnt zap my spirit
physically you tried to enter more deeply into
my thinking and had me second guess myself. So early on in my budding years of
metaphysician work you thought you could make me quit and give up Yet even when to the surface I did just that I proved I could teach middle school and ran a learning center and you wanted to rob me of that.
Not good enough Your ideas will never work yet I’m currently a CEO of shop and smile…Then you wanted me to believe I couldn’t succeed when I aspired for more.
The things I noticed most of all with you,
You show up when least expected and try to
convince me there’s nothing I can do.
And yet each time I prove you’re nothing and
continue I’ve been able with partnering with Love to do so much more than I ever thought possible.
Drive across country time and again
Move to different cities finding good opportunities Figure out how to set up a bank account in my own name
Save pennies and figure out how to obtain
housing when I didn’t know where to live keep on in my writing and my healing work endeavors And now just on the cusp of more growth you show up to strangle me yet again.
Dont you see I know your game well? Dont you see I can’t be duped?
Go ahead and hiss some more and tell me I’m a complete utter failure and goof Or go ahead and louder still shame my every breath.
Tell me I’m an idiot and a farce and that this now goal is just absurd or that I’m a wreck. Condemn, blame shame some more and use people to mouth your song It doesn’t matter how loud you get fear I will forever know YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND AND YOU ARE WRONG
So I will continue to fight a good fight And I will continue to wage war in my thinking You’ve never been able to reign permanently there That’s the domain of Love’s kingdom Go on and tell me I’m all alone or that no one will believe this is possible Go on and tell me I have no evidence of ability And go ahead and try to cheat me of dignity some more.
I will always know it’s you speaking not Love by the degrading tones and tactics you take And dont you know after all these years fear, I am fully aware
I’m not a failure, you’re the failure
So Incase you’re wondering where my boldness came from.. well I met a friend, the Holy Spirit..
Let’s be certain forevermore that today
tomorrow,the weeks, months and years to come.
Dear fear whatever you plan against me and my oneness with Divine Love I will conquer and you will never ever win.”